Dawn is Coming
@daemonrolling
We Could Be Heroes
Anonymous said:“Men Who Hate Women And The Women Who Love Them”, by Susan Forward. [PDF]
“Whenever a client tells me that her partner abuses her, I ask, “Why do you put up with it?”. Often the answer is, “Because I love him,” or, “Because I’m afraid to leave him”. Some say simply, “Put up with what?” indicating that they do not make any connection between their unhappiness and their partner’s behavior. Or, as Jackie told me after ten years of marriage, “I know he yells at me sometimes but underneath it all, we’re really crazy about each other”. All of these answers indicate the same thing: the woman is hooked into a relationship in which she is being mistreated. A relationship with a misogynist is very intense and confusing. Many powerful emotional forces are at work, which makes it difficult for the woman to see clearly what is happening. However, once we learn what these forces are and how they keep the woman hooked, the reasons why she tolerates her partner’s mistreatment become more understandable. […]. Addictive love works like any other addiction, whether it is to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or food. There is a compulsive, driven need for the other person. When a woman is in an addictive love relationship, she experiences intense pain and suffering when she is deprived of her partner; she feels that she cannot live without him. The relationship provides a “high” that nothing else matches—and in order to get those highs, she will tolerate a great deal of abusive treatment. […]. Remember, the misogynist’s jealousy and possessiveness have already seriously limited her world, which further enhances his importance to her. It is a vicious cycle. The more dependent she becomes, the more important he becomes. […]. Fear in intimate relationships operates on several levels. On one level, there are the survival fears—fear of making it financially on your own, fear of being poor, fear of being the sole provider and nurturer for your children, and fear of being alone—which keep women from leaving abusive relationships. (See Chapter 15 for an in-depth discussion of these fears and the ways in which they can be handled). But fear is present in the misogynistic relationship long before the woman begins to think of leaving.“
“Women Who Love Too Much”, by Robin Norwood. [PDF]
“In the words of Stanton Peele, author of Love and Addiction, “An addictive experience is one which absorbs a person’s consciousness, and as with analgesics, relieves their sense of anxiety and pain. There’s perhaps nothing quite as good for absorbing our consciousness as a love relationship of a certain type. An addictive relationship is characterized by a desire for another person’s reassuring presence. …The second criterion is that it detracts from a person’s ability to pay attention to and deal with other aspects of her life.” We use our obsession with the men we “love” to avoid our pain, emptiness, fear, and anger. We use our relationships as drugs, to avoid experiencing what we would feel if we held still with ourselves. The more painful our interactions with our man, the greater the distraction he provides us. A truly awful relationship simply serves the same function for us as a very strong drug. Without a man on whom to focus, we go into withdrawal, often with many of the same physical and emotional symptoms of that state that accompany actual drug withdrawal: nausea, sweating, chills, shaking, pacing, obsessive thinking, depression, inability to sleep, panic, and anxiety attacks. In an effort to relieve these symptoms, we return to our last partner or desperately seek a new one.“
“Anticlimax: A Feminist Perspective on the Sexual Revolution”, by Sheila Jeffreys. [PDF]
“Heterosexuality as an institution is founded upon the ideology of ‘difference’. Though the difference is seen as natural, it is in fact a difference of power. When men marry women they carry into the relationship considerable social and political power. The organisations of state will back their power through religion, the courts, the social services. Their use of battering and rape within marriage will be condoned through these institutions. The women they marry will generally have less earning power since women’s wages are lower than men’s. The women will be trained not to use physical strength or be aggressive. They will have been inculcated with social expectations of service, obedience and self-sacrifice. But this is not enough to ensure male power. Means of reinforcing the power differences are employed when men choose partners. They are encouraged to seek in marriage women who are smaller in stature and younger in age. The serious taboos that exist against men marrying women who are taller or older are too well known to need emphasis.”
“Heterosexuality in Question”, by Stevi Jackson. [PDF]
“Everyday heterosexuality is not simply about sex, but is perpetuated by the regulation of marriage and family life, divisions of waged and domestic labour, patterns of economic support and dependency, and the routine everyday expectations and practices through which heterosexual coupledom persists as the normative ideal, a ‘natural’ way of life (see, for example, Van Every, 1996). A sociologically informed feminist understanding of heterosexuality requires that we do not over-privilege (erotic) sexuality. Part of the problem we have in thinking about sex derives from the weight we make it carry, the way we view it as qualitatively different from other aspects of social life. This is one of the few points on which I am in agreement with Gayle Rubin (1984). If we are to understand sexuality in context, neither giving it causal priority nor treating it in isolation, then a feminist analysis should consider its interlinkages with other aspects of women’s subordination. There is now a considerable body of work on heterosexual sexual relations which begins to make such connections, which highlights the ways in which heterosexuality is ordered through the institutions and expectations of a male dominated society, which draws parallels between the division of emotional labour in managing intimate relations and divisions of physical labour, which demonstrates that understandings of love and sexuality remain highly gendered (Cancian, 1990; Duncombe and Marsden, 1993; Holland et al., 1998; Langford, 1999).”
“The Male in the Head: Young People, Heterosexuality and Power”, by Janet Holland. [PDF]
“We have been impressed by the power of heterosexuality, but also by the capacity for some young people to develop the kinds of critical consciousness of this power that enable them to challenge heteronormativity in at least some personal encounters. The ‘male-in-the-head’ is neither static, nor simply a discursive construction. By tracing the intertwining of embodied, discursive, experiential and structured dimensions of male power, we can illuminate young people’s agency in their conformity and resistance to the double standard of sexual reputation—and show women’s collusion in male dominance of heterosexuality. Once this collusion is made clear, it can be challenged. …The challenge for women is to integrate intellectual and experiential empowerment; the challenge for men is to open up masculinity and cede privilege.”
“Loving To Survive: Sexual Terror, Men’s Violence, and Women’s Lives”, by Dee L. R. Graham. [PDF]
“We ask whether societywide Stockholm Syndrome might account for women’s femininity, heterosexuality, and love of (or affection for) men. If Stockholm Syndrome does account for these characteristics in women, the pervasiveness of the four Stockholm Syndrome-conducive conditions in women’s lives could account for these characteristics being viewed as “normal” in women. “Expert opinion” (men’s opinion) would have us believe that females are inherently feminine, that women are heterosexual because of a genetic command to mate with men and thereby preserve the species or because we lack a penis (Freud, 1925), and that therefore it is only “natural” that women love men. Thousands of scientific studies have been carried out for the purpose of proving or disproving that femininity in women and masculinity in men are genetically determined. The fact of most women’s heterosexuality and love of men is so taken for granted that few have bothered even to question it.”
“Just Sex?: The Cultural Scaffolding of Rape”, by Nicola Gavey. [Preview]
“Sex has always been political. Feminists have long recognized this, and since at least the nineteenth century have actively campaigned against men’s sexual exploitation of women. Further back, still, Mary Wollstonecraft (1999) published a searing critique of normative modes of male sexuality in the late eighteenth century. In the early twentieth century, however, feminist attention to sexual politics diminished — a decline that Margaret Jackson (1994) has linked to the development of sexology and its scientific legitimation of what she referred to as “the patriarchal model of sexuality”: that is, a model of heterosexuality in which the domination of women was naturalized.“
“Thinking Straight: The Power, The Promise, and The Paradox of Heterosexuality”, by Chrys Ingraham. [PDF]
“Until the late 1990s, few had pursued a critical examination of institutionalized heterosexuality, one that asks “What interests are served by the way we have organized and given meaning to heterosexuality?” This volume of essays, Thinking Straight, contains important and pivotal works in the emerging field of critical heterosexual studies. Written by prominent academics from across the disciplines as well as from international locations, these works interrogate the meanings and practices associated with straightness—the historical, social, political, cultural, and economic dominance of institutionalized heterosexuality. By examining the power, the promise, and the paradox associated with thinking straight and straightness, these essays provide insight into the operation of institutionalized heterosexuality: its history, its materiality, its meaning making systems, legitimizing practices, concealed contradictions, and the interests of power it serves.”
Mildly related, & recommended:
“The Dependent Personality”, by Robert F. Bornstein. [Preview]“According to the DSM-III-R, the individual suffering from DPD (1) is unable to make independent decisions; (2) allows others to make important decisions for him or her; (3) has excessive fear of rejection; (4) has difficulty initiating projects or activities; (5) volunteers to perform unpleasant or demeaning tasks in order to please others; (6) feels helpless when alone; (7) feels devastated when important relationships end; (8) is preoccupied with fears of being abandoned; and (9) is easily hurt by criticism or disapproval.”
& Friedrich Nietzsche’s essay on Love (from section 14 of “Die fröhliche Wissenschaft”; PDF).
I’m nowhere nearly as well-read as I may seem, but here is a list of recommendations about abuse. Another well-known book that might relate to the subject is Shulamith Firestone’s The Dialectic of Sex.
“The lust of property, and love: what different associations each of these ideas evoke! And yet it might be the same impulse twice named: on the one occasion disparaged from the standpoint of those already possessing (in whom the impulse has attained something of repose, who are now apprehensive for the safety of their “possession”); on the other occasion viewed from the standpoint of the unsatisfied and thirsty, and therefore glorified as “good”.“
I haven’t read any of his books, but since I’ve just found out about it, I wanted to signal boost Sam Vaknin’s work, specifically “Toxic Relationships: Abuse and its Aftermath”
Anonymous said:……..omfg! Y'all stupid??? you saying that niggas were put in concentration camps because they were “reducing people to their genitials uwuwu” 😂😂😂😂😂 oh lord yes that’s exactly why straight people have been punishing us for years fkkfntit. Gay men and gay women deserved the rape and torture they had guys because they wouldn’t eat some oussy/dick respectively like they were supposed to uwuwuwu
I really love this raw honesty from anon because it exposes the ~queer movement for what it is
maybe they’re treated that way because they shouldn’t be attracted to the same sex
Who said it, christian conservative or woke™ tumblr kid?I’m glad one of them finally told the truth.
so last week i went out on a second date with a woman that identified as a “lesbian”. we met through a dating site. i hadn’t told her i’m trans, nor should i have. so after our second date we went to her house, we made out and i went down on her. then something bad happened. she grabbed my crotch and felt my erect penis. and when this happened she stopped kissing me and gave me a weird look. i was extremely confused at that moment, so i show her my penis and she literally starts screaming. i tried to calm her down and when she got over the initial shock a little bit, she told me i’m a man. that’s when i slapped her. i don’t usually hit women but her calling me a man is worse that physical violence. she just stood there, teary and silent, and looked at me like a fucking idiot. after that i just stormed off and blocked her on my phone.
after i got home i kept thinking… cis people, especially women, are so shallow. this woman screamed because of my genitals. like, do people ask potential partners what type of genitals they have before going out on a date with them? whose fault was it that she assumed i had a vagina? if she was a normal woman and not a lesbian, would she scream if the guy she was dating had a smaller penis than what she hoped for? why the fuck are cis people so obsessed with genitals?
fellow trans women: don’t tell people you’re trans if you don’t want to. you don’t owe shit to anyone. if you’ve had the surgery and you can be stealthy and “trick” people, fucking do it. we don’t need to justify our existence to anyone. if they find out you’re trans and they make you feel bad about it, beat the shit out of them. nobody has the right to invalidate your identity.
you’re beautiful and they were lucky to have a chance with you.
You’re a fucking rapist and abuser. You literally hit her PHYSICALLY HARMED HER because she was freaked out by your penis. This is the fucking epitome of masculine fragility.
PS- YOU ARE 100% MALE
Gonna hit me? I fucking dare you to try.Oh yeah this post again, so I’m gonna say this shit again.
You’re a rapist and you had no reason to hit her. If you’re trying or are dating someone, you tell them you’re trans, it’s kind of FUCKING IMPORTANT.
It absolutely disgusts me that you would hide the fact that you’re trans and still have a penis from a lesbian. The fuck is wrong with you?
I get you don’t want your opening message to be “i’m trans” but you should literally tell them before you meet them and should probably tell them fairly soon once conversation starts. It’s not hard and it’s safer for both people. You’re just a dick and wasting their time. Lesbians don’t like dick and deceptively preying on them is fucking disgusting.
I’m not saying you need to walk down the street with a sign that says you’re trans, but be a fucking reasonable adult and tell people you’re dating/trying to date that you’re trans, like it’s just common sense.
“if she was a normal woman and not a lesbian” dude just say you hate lesbians who will never want your ugly dick
This is rape and battery. Lesbians are not “abnormal, and you should always be open and honest with someone you intend to date and have sex with.
HOW TO HELP TORTURED GAY MEN IN CHECHNYA
We can’t allow this to continue. A petition has also been launched by change.org and signed by tens of thousands of people.
It demands a full investigation of all the facts and unlawful repression in Chechnya of the LGBT population and calls for punishment for the ‘guilty parties’ and the end to the practice of extra-judicial violence.
You can sign that here.
Can y'all share this please???
According to their updates, the people who launched this petition were detained on their way to handing in the signatures to the General Prosecutor’s Office. Two of them were issued fines yesterday, two others are still awaiting trials on June 21.
Striking hundreds of Iraqi civilians, including women and children, because someone gave you false information after you probably tortured them is not feminist.
Dropping massive bombs on Afghanistan and killing everything in that radius because you invaded the country but now you don’t want to actually deal with the problems you created is not feminist.
Torturing men, women, and children (especially sexual torture) in prisons across the Middle East is not feminist.
Forcing the Palestinians to live under occupation and denying them access to healthcare like breast cancer treatment is not feminist.
Giving a gun to a woman and having her kill other women or deny them basic human rights and dignity is not feminist.
Feminism is not the idea that women should be allowed to oppress other women just like men do. It is not the idea that women can be liberated by emulating the exact type of masculinity that kills women globally. It is not the idea that liberation comes from serving the male supremacist bourgeois in their wars to preserve the global capitalist system that serves them.
If you want to see actual bad-ass women fighting FOR the rights of women and against their patriarchal oppressors, look no further.
But trust me: here in Iraq, we don’t find it progressive that maybe a woman is controlling the drone dropping explosives on innocent civilians. I don’t feel much more at ease when female soldiers are at the checkpoints, except for maybe feeling a slight relief as they are less likely to sexually harass me. (It is statistically less likely but it does happen.)
If you want to help women globally, don’t do it by helping men murder us.
Andrea Dworkin, Our Blood
Andrea Dworkin, Woman Hating
Andrea Dworkin, Intercourse
Andrea Dworkin, Letters from a War Zone
Andrea Dworkin, Life and Death
Andrea Dworkin, Pornography, Men Possessing Women
Andrea Dworkin, Right Wing Women
Angela Davis, Are Prisons Obsolete
Angela Davis, Beyond the Frame, Women of Color and Visual Representation
Audre Lorde, Zami, Sister Outsider Undersong
Catharine A. MacKinnon et Andrea Dworkin, In Harm’s Way, the Pornography Civil Rights Hearings
Catharine A. MacKinnon, Feminism Unmodified, Discourses on Life and Law
Catharine A. MacKinnon, Only Words
Catharine A. MacKinnon, Points Against Postmodernism
Bell Hooks, Ain’t I a Woman?
Janice G. Raymond & Donna M. Hughes, Sex Trafficking of Women in the United States
Sheila Jeffreys, Beauty and Misogyny
Helplessness
Dr. Summit’s five components of Accommodation Syndrome
The child feels overpowered by the power (outward or just implied) of the trusted adult, even in the absence of physical force or threats.
Helplessness is reinforced by the sense of isolation, secrecy, and guilt as well as the child’s inability to make sense out of her father’s behavior or to find any acceptable way to describe the bizarre relationship to others.
Helplessness is often expressed by being “frozen”. If a young girl is molested during sleep, she will typically “play possum.” She will not cry out, even though her mother may be in the next room. A sibling in the same bed may also pretend to be asleep, afraid to become involved.
The natural inability to cry out or to protect herself provides the main misunderstanding between the victim and the community of adults, as well as, a major factor in the child blaming herself later for not doing more to prevent the abuse or speak out.
Violation of a child’s most secure place overwhelms ordinary defenses and leads to disillusionment, severe insecurity, and a process of victimization. Even well-adjusted adults report lingering terrors and loss of basic well-being after a rape or even robbery within their bedroom. Children who have few defenses at best, are even more vulnerable than adults to the invasion of their beds.
Finally, it must be remember that the normal child has no real power or voice apart from the power given by her parents. For a child of eight, self=blame is automatic to the accommodation process unless her mother or some alternate caretaker can give her the power to stop the sexual abuse.
Child Sexual Abuse Accommodation Syndrome by Dr. Ronald Summit
Israeli Jews harrassing Africans living in Israel. [+]
First they kicked Palestinians out of Palestine, now the invaders are complaining about Sudanese and Eritreans. Oh the audacity.
This is the fascist, Zionist dream. This is what your tax dollars are helping to achieve.
The Boko Haram massacres that the media isn’t talking about.
They’re burning men to a crisp, raping dozens of women before putting bullets in them, strapping explosives to children and forcing them into busy town squares…
Don’t allow yourself to be blind to the injustices happening all over the world. One is not more important than the other; murder is murder.
Omg
This hurts so much!! My heart can’t deal 😢
If 2000 white people got killed in any country we would be hearing about it for months
😢 This is our world? How can people accept this? How can anyone think this is ohkay? And how can you not cover this? Is dark skin that much of a problem for you? Fuck you! These are people! Living, loving, breathing people who have lost their lives violently! And you are so scared of dark skin that you can’t even show that this is what’s happening to them? Is it cuz then the injustices happening to people of darker skin in every culture will be true? You can’t face that this is true. This genocide of a people with the only reason being because their skin is darker than yours. I’m so fucking disgusted and emotional. I Can’t even look at the picture. But I will to remind me that this is what’s happening. No matter how hard it is I will look at it for strength. And I will never stop fighting for the justice of my people and anyone who is threatened and killed and feared because of things they can’t control, because of things that shouldn’t be feared.
So appalled and fucking livid. DamnI am a South African.
I have been scrolling down my timeline for days now waiting to see something about Nigeria. This is the first post that I have seen and it breaks my heart.
When Mike Brown was killed every second post was about it. About the injustice of the whole situation. Everyone was up in arms and everyone was angry - it was amazing to see. It was unity and solidarity and awareness.
But now these attacks have begun. Terrible, terrible things have been happening in Nigeria and nobody knows. There are no voices crying out for these innocent souls because the world is turning a blind eye. Because ‘who cares about Africa’ - let alone Nigeria.
This isn’t just because of race - these horrors aren’t being kept from the world because these people are black. Hell - they aren’t even being kept from you! Its because nobody wants to report a story about a third world country. It’s not glamorous enough. It’s not ‘good enough’ for mainstream media.And that is fucking unacceptable.
A man entered the Chabad-Lubavitch World Headquarters at 770 Eastern Parkway in Brooklyn early this morning and reportedly yelled,I don’t understand. Okay, he was obviously not a terrorist. But they’re also not labeling it a hate crime. What do you need to do for an attack to count as a hate crime, because apparently walking into a synagogue, shouting “I want to kill the Jews,” then stabbing a Jewish person in the neck doesn’t cut it. He may have been ~emotionally disturbed~ but he clearly had enough presence of mind to pick a target and go for it.
When I said “you fuckers wouldn’t believe antisemitism exists if you saw video of someone attacking a Jew while spouting antisemitic rhetoric” I didn’t expect to actually be proven right.
This Palestinian house was torched this morning by terrorist Israeli settlers in Abu Falah village, east Ramallah, who also wrote racist slogans on the house wall. The house is owned by the Palestinian citizen Abdulkarim Hamayel. Another Israeli terrorist act unreported.
Dawn is Coming
