Alex | Sagittarius | Official Vodka Aunt.
/// Tarot reader, writer, and professional drama queen.
///
I'm really chatty so if you don't want to listen to me, just blacklist the tags spksies (chatting with people) and alexstuff (personal updates and rants)
to be honest sometimes i have to think really hard about how ‘people work’ cause i have trouble understanding how they think/feel, does that make me a sociopath?
It may be a lack of social skills, a problem connecting emphatically with others, or something more serious such as sociopathy, but you should be careful in self diagnosing and if possible seek the help of a therapist or counselor. Don’t jump too quickly to conclusions, and instead seek to understand how you relate to others and how that can affect your relationships with the people around you.
How does a narcissist/sociopath feel when you are ignoring them? I've come to terms recently that I was indeed with someone who was borderline a sociopath/narcissist, and they moved on so quickly to someone else.
I’m sorry to hear that you were unlucky enough to find yourself in a relationship with one of these abusers, but I’m glad that you were able to realize the truth. I think the way a narcissist or psychopathic individual will respond to being ignored largely depends on whether or not the relationship ended on their terms.
Narcissists and psychopaths will idealize their partner at the beginning of a relationship during this time period they can be very intense and even obsessive. If the target ends things during the height of idealization this would be a great wound to the narcissist or psychopaths ego. In situations like this narcissistic and psychopathic abusers will often stalk their partners or bombard them with undesired attempts at reconciliation. This can be misconstrued as deep unrequited love, but in reality it’s them trying to prove they’re good enough to get you back. It’s ultimately about their ego not true affection.
There is also another scenario that can commonly play out in these types of relationships. Psychopathic and narcissistic individuals hold their partner to idealized and unrealistic standards at the beginning of their relationships. When the victim inevitably fails to live up to these fantasies of perfection, they are swiftly knocked off the pedestal they were placed on. This is called devaluation. Narcissistic and psychopathic personalities may begin to engage in more overt abuse at this point in the relationship, and will often drive their partners away with such poor treatment. Many victims will stay with their abuser in the vain hope that the brief honeymoon phase they experienced will return, but they are subjected to escalating abuse. Often when the victim finds the strength to leave they find they are swiftly replaced with someone else. This can be heartbreaking to deal with.
Narcissists simply need someone to inflate their ego. They are an addict in constant need of a “fix.” Their drug of choice is constant and unwavering attention. This is called “narcissistic supply.” The average person may enjoy attention or validation but the narcissist actually needs it in order to maintain his delusions of superiority. Significant others can be swapped in and out whenever necessary. The only really important thing is that they have a steady stream of attention. Psychopaths have a more fixed identity that isn’t as nearly dependent on others, but they are also capable of moving on with what can be devastating swiftness. The largely view relationships as a mean to an end and if they feel you have lost your usefulness they will often dump you and move on without a second thought.
At the end of the day you’re lucky to have gotten away from this person. He will repeat this cycle in all of his future relationships, but you can move forward and build something real. Remember, education is one of the greatest tools to prevent re-victimization. I hope this helps a little, if you have any other questions please feel feee to write in any time!
But like English is a language but it’s not a nationality like they speak English in Australia and Can a’ da and stuff but it’s not like theres a place caled Englia full of English *people*
But like German is a language but it’s not a nationality like they speak German in Austria and Switz ‘r land and stuff but it’s not like theres a place called Germania full of German *people*
But like Dutch is a language but it’s not a nationality like they speak Dutch in the Netherlands and Belg i’ um and stuff but it’s not like there’s a place called Dutchia full of Dutch *people*
But like Danish is a language but it’s not a nationality like they speak Danish in Greenland and Far o’ e Islands and stuff but it’s not like there’s a place called Dania full of Danish *people*
But like French is a language but it’s not a nationality like they speak French in Haiti and Mon a’ co and stuff but it’s not like there’s a place called Frenchia full of French *people*
But like Chinese is a language but it’s not a nationality like they speak Chinese in Hong Kong and Sing a’ pore and stuff but it’s not like there’s a place called Chineseia full of Chinese *people*
Are you trying to figure out how to fix or heal relationships with people who didn’t directly bully or abuse you, but who didn’t stand up for you in the face of it? Or just disappeared on you or stopped including you? Stop trying! They’re at the least codependent, so without getting help for it they won’t be capable of direct communication about real issues. Especially having to do with your abuse.
You can choose to just act like nothing happened, ever, and act like you are pleased as punch in every way, happy to see them, period. Or you can avoid them. But don’t expect to do much in the way of healing or reparation, or discussing anything that happened, or trying to get closure, it will just freak them out.
If you want to stay in touch with them you probably need to have a conscious plan and a goal of simply that. And protect yourself, keep your boundaries. Don’t expect anything much beyond small talk and surface interaction. They may not be capable of more than that anyway, and may never have been.
1. Make a list of everything you’re thankful for – and try to find some memories that make you smile. There’s nothing like some humour for changing how you feel.
2. Decide to do some fun things with your friends. Although it might be tempting to stay home alone, and to have a bubble bath, or to curl up with a book, you’ll probably feel better if you go out with your friends. It stops you dwelling on your thoughts, and moves your focus somewhere else.
3. Get some exercise. Endorphins are released when we get some exercise. This improves our mood with no real effort on our part (and you may well feel less tired, and more healthy as well).
4. Set yourself some goals and break them down into small steps. As you work through these steps you’ll start to see some gradual change – and you’ll feel you’re going somewhere instead of marking time (or even worse than that, feeling like you’re going nowhere).
5. Play it forward. Do something selfless and kind for someone else. It’ll take them by surprise and it will likely make their day. Then, you’ll feel so much better about yourself as well.
6. Tell yourself that it will pass as moods are changeable. Our feelings are so fickle and unreliable. Tomorrow the same things might not bother you at all.
7. Recognise that your mind is a battleground. We’re all assaulted by unwanted and negative thoughts. They attack our self- confidence and self-esteem. Counteract that by thinking of your positives and strengths, your progress and successes, and how you’ve changed and grown.
8. It’s different if you’re coping with a serious loss. If your sadness is linked to a serious loss, like the death of a loved one, or a crisis event, then stay with the pain as it will help you to heal. In time it will pass and you’ll feel normal again.
If you have an eating disorder & you’ve eaten today I am so fucking proud of you. If you self harm & you haven’t today I am so fucking proud of you. If you’re suicidal & you haven’t acted on your thoughts today I am so fucking proud of you. Keep up the fight, you can do this.
New apartment is still in a state of chaos, but I’m working on it.
Having trouble getting internet at my new apt - hoping that is resolved soon. Until then, your continued patience is appreciated.
On a sad note, I had to say goodbye to one of my rats this morning. Cause of issues uncertain, but possibly a brain tumor (these things happen with rats sometimes). Meds weren’t effective this time, unfortunately.
On a brighter note, lack of internet has led me to watch Avatar: the Last Airbender again (I have it on dvd). It is a joy and a comfort.
Witch blog addition: how the heck do I have over 3,000 followers?! What craziness is this? Apologies to you all for recent lack of content.
Aw, I’m sorry about your rat. I hope things flow smoothly tho, and I’m glad you like your new zoo *hugs*
Anonymous said:
Dawn is Coming
